Random Real Life: Part I

There are so many things swirling around in my brain. I am a perfectionist (a lazy one, which is the worst kind), and I put off posting pictures unless I can ‘create them right.’ I put off sharing unless I can ‘say things right.’ And yet I want you to see the real me here on this blog. I want to document my life. All the little details. The good stuff. The not so good stuff. That takes time. Especially when I have to do it ‘just so.’ Time isn’t something I have a lot of these days.

Then, there is the fact that I use this blog as a focus. A sort of thanksgiving for all the lovely blessings God has given me. (He has given me so many!) I don’t want to whine. But I don’t want you all to think that my life is perfect. My sister just laughs when people comment to her about my blog. She knows the real me. I am sorry if I paint my life inaccurately, or if anyone thinks I am something special… I’m just me! With lots and lots and lots of faults and weaknesses.

So for a few days, it is just going to be snapshots of real stuff. Unorganized thoughts. Unedited pictures. (A few edited for fun.) The not-so-perfect. (A few good highlights.)

I’ve been sick for a week and a half now. Sinus/throat/headache… and I’m weary. The house is so messy and dirty. There is so much stuff. Papers. Pieces of things. Toppling towers of books. Unfinished projects. Endless (and I do mean endless) laundry. I can’t seem to ever have it all put away. In a house this small with 6 people, that leaves no breathing room.

My to-do list is getting longer and nothing seems to get crossed off. I’m doing the bare minimum, here. Sometimes not even that.

Lessons are few and far between. I just haven’t had the energy. I also lack the skills to inspire my boys to greatness. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? I so want to be that mom/teacher who inspires curiosity, cheerfulness, and honor in her boys. Instead, I find myself falling short. Dreadfully short. Again, and again, and again. I lack consistency and self-discipline. How many times have I told my boys something and realized that I should be preaching to myself!!

And my boys humble me again, and again, and again. They are such intense, active, loud boys with no sense of personal boundaries. I’m trying to find a balance between not being a control-freak mom, letting them be who they are, and making sure they are well-behaved, respectful young men. But I over-parent when I should under-parent, and under-parent when I should over-parent. Sigh.

Just yesterday morning, as I was close to tears trying to get us out of the house for a ‘thing’ (and not winning any mothering awards in the process), I’ll be honest and admit I questioned God’s wisdom in giving me these four children. I don’t have what it takes, people!!

I have a pile of stuff in my front room waiting for a photo shoot I’ve had planned for some time now. Finding a time when everyone is happy and fed and dressed right and the weather cooperates and the lighting is perfect... well, not happening. But it was GOING to happen this week. And then Luke got poison oak all over his neck and face. (He was just being silly in the first picture, but can you see the line across the center of his tongue? That’s where he bit a HUMONGOUS gash in it a while back. That was after the staples in his head, but before the stitches in his finger…)

We had a fairly quiet Father’s Day. We spent some time with my in-laws on Saturday evening and then had dinner and dessert with my parents on Sunday. My mom left on the train later that afternoon to spend some time with her parents in California. My grandfather has been battling a rare form of lymphoma recently, and then they discovered heart problems which led to open-heart surgery this past week. I’m glad my mom is able to be down there with them, but I’m going to miss her terribly! (And, Grandma and Grandpa, you are loved!!)

Sunday evening, Russ worked on our itty-bitty little garden. The boys ‘helped.’

The weather has been so cool and wet this spring, we have spent very little time outside. Lola is just now getting introduced to grass. She’s not so sure about it.

To sneak in a couple high notes, Leif started reading Magic Tree House books this past week. I wish I could claim credit for that. And here are a couple fun, edited Lola pictures that I took today. (These are for you, Mom!)

She’s had some really good nights of sleeping and some not-so-great nights. Last night was a not-so-great one. Tonight already doesn’t look so great, either. I made it 55 days without a Dr. Pepper, but this past week I was seriously hitting bottom being sick and Lola sick and not sleeping. I need another Whole30, because I’m having a heck of a time keeping myself on track. Add that to the list. Right now, I just need to go clean house and then see if Lola will let me get a few hours of sleep. I’ll try to refrain from editing my post 50 times. More tomorrow.