Delights, Visions, and Suffering

A decade.

A decade ago I began homeschooling the little boy who is now a hairy six-foot man-child.

A decade ago I had a toddler boy who was a one-man demolition crew with insomnia.

A decade ago I had an infant boy who would not let me set him down—or sleep.

A decade ago we unexpectedly bought our tiny forever house in the country and were getting ready to move and settle in over Christmas.

Almost a decade ago I started a blog in which I shared my delights and visions and suffering.

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Three weeks since my last post, and only a small smattering of posts in two months.

It seems I needed an unplanned sabbatical.

I have a thousand posts started, either in my files or in my imagination.

But I’m having trouble finishing anything. Posts. Books. School work. House work.

My work space is a disaster. My house is a disaster. I’m having trouble summoning any sort of motivation or enthusiasm because it feels so daunting.

Is it the weather and the lack of light? Is it the pushback from kids? Is it the national atmosphere? Is it my inherent laziness?

Is it the decade-ness?

I’m going with all of the above.

But this decade-ness is weighing on me.

I’m struggling with the “visions” because I lack perseverance. I used to love the visions because I could imagine myself doing them, but now the visions come with a heaping dose of reality and they’ve lost the magic.

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In October, Russ was gone on multiple out of state and out of town trips.

He began coaching the swim team at our local YMCA at the end of September. All three boys started swimming with the Y team as well (Levi’s broken foot healed well and he was cleared for swimming), and Russ started swimming with the Masters team. It was so nice to have a long break from swimming before the fall season started, but the new swim schedule messed with our evening routine. I’m thankful for the childcare program at the Y, however, and we’ve used it often for Lola. There is also a student meal program and a center for tweens, which we use a few nights a week when Russ stays late to swim.

Levi is now swimming on the local high school swim team for the winter season. That again has messed with our schedule, but I think it’s a good opportunity for him.

I hosted a few IEW DVD watching sessions for my CC Essentials parents and hosted the last of my Scholé Sisters Flannery O’Connor meetings. We’ve started a new literary project for this school year (hosted by another friend, but facilitated by the same fabulous Mindy who led the Hamlet and Flannery O’Connor projects). I’ll be posting about the new project as soon as I can finish writing it up (but no promises).

I slowly finished a handful of books.

I binge-watched Longmire on Netflix.

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Now I need to go purge a decade-worth of stuff from our house.

Or go on vacation.