Restart

 

I messed up.

Levi and I started out his school year together. We did most of his Classical Conversations Challenge A lessons together for the first few weeks. I made sure his schedule and to-do list was written out and checked daily.

And then we both got distracted.

Other children do live at this house. And they need attention and education occasionally. I have things I need to do. And teaching an adolescent can be frustrating. So procrastination happens.

Oh, he can do this independently. He should be able to do that independently. Just let him get started on math, and he’ll figure out how to complete the rest of assignments as well. If he’s going to fight me on that, he can do it on his own.

And so on. [Right about this time last semester.]

Math, well, that’s important. And don’t get behind in Latin! Draw your maps. We’ll skip the outlining in rhetoric, but read the chapters and lessons. We missed two weeks of science research for various reasons, but just jump ahead to the current topic and write your paper.

Writing, hmmm. There are worksheets. Just fill them out. Oh, we’re way behind! Let’s just rush this paper today. [Much, much more about this in the next post.]

Turns out, my adolescent procrastinates as much as I do—and the most overwhelming or hated tasks are the ones he puts off.

We “got by” for the first semester until he had three classes within 8 days in December (due to a make-up class)—the end of the semester classes, no less—the same week as his choir performance week and then a few Christmas activities the following week when he was supposed to complete his final 1st semester work.

Then Christmas. And a New Year’s birthday. And a big family vacation—a missed week of class.

We were going to start our new year well. I didn’t know how tired I would be after vacation, that two days would not be enough time to prep for Monday and I would be so sick for the next week. So tired and sick. Not a great start to our new year. [Hello, Christmas tree still on my front porch.]

If momma isn’t on top of things, the kids in this house aren’t either. It’s a free-for-all. Sigh.

We ended a rough week with two days of swim meet in which all three boys were competing and Russ, who was also sick, was coaching.

During a long late Saturday afternoon and evening of sitting with Levi trying to get some of his work caught up for class on Monday, Lola managed to cut her tongue (hello, blood on her shirt and bathroom towels), chop off her hair (hello, bangs), and dump several cups of water in her room (because she was “painting” with water). [This is the moment I expressed my frustration on Facebook: “It seems I have to make a choice between educating my 13 year old and keeping my 4 year old alive. Forget the two in between; they’ll have to fend for themselves.”]

By Sunday afternoon, we were a mess. It was time to regroup.

Levi and I had a long conversation about why he was in Challenge A, why he was required to do the work. How Latin is valuable for many reasons, but the most important reason we are doing this hard work is to learn to do hard things. That if he learns nothing else in Challenge A, this skill (and character trait) will serve him for the rest of his life. [More about doing hard things in an upcoming post.] I asked him to be willing to try. To do his best. And I told him that right answers or being smart was not the most important thing.

I asked Levi what I could do to help him succeed.

He asked me to be diligent about filling out his schedule with exactly what needed to be completed each day. I made a commitment to him to do just that. In return, I asked him to look at the schedule, and do his best to focus on the work on the day’s list.

Then I asked him what subject he was struggling most in. “The Lost Tools of Writing” (he said with anguish). “I hate it. I hate writing. I can’t do it.” Then we’ll do that subject together, every day, first thing in the morning, I promised him…

[To be continued…]

 

Challenge A Update and Thoughts

Or “On Adolescence and ‘I’d like that hindsight NOW, please.’”

Or “More Questions Than Answers”

Raising adolescents is a tough job. Homeschooling adolescents is like training a magnifying glass on the process! All those bumps and imperfections and struggles stand out in sharp relief when you’re at it 24-7 and wearing both the teacher and parent hats!

I read this on the Libertarian Homeschooler’s Facebook page a couple days ago:

“Toddlerhood and early adolescence told me more about myself than they told me about my son. They were a crash-course in what was potentially ugly inside of me: ...impatience, anger, ignorance, lack of charity, selfishness, lack of self discipline, pride.

They outgrow toddlerhood and adolescence. It leaves them. But we are left looking at our flaws and asking ourselves, 'Was that really the best you could do?'”

Like a knife, people.

Even when I’m at my best [not often], the questions keep coming.

Grace or tough love?

Let up or buckle down?

Relationship or character?

Help or step back?

Raise expectations or cut some slack?

Adjust according to personality, gifts, and weaknesses (don’t shove a square peg in a round hole) or do hard things?

Medicate the child or medicate the parent? [Half of me is kidding, half of me is very, very serious. Vats of Dr. Pepper, people.]

Give rewards or exact consequences?

Increase freedom or responsibility?

Hold their hand or let them fail?

Some kids thrive on one, some the other. Some parents are gifted with intuition. Some are not. [sigh]

Every child/student is different.

Let me repeat that.

Every. Child. Is. Unique.

Each enrolled student is going to have a different experience with the Classical Conversations Challenge Program.

• Some kids are going to find Challenge a piece of cake. Work done independently. Work done neatly and thoroughly. Work done in just a few hours daily during the work week.
• Others (and their parents) are going to spend hours and hours and hours and hours. Some in a state of constant focus. Some in a constant state of distraction. Either way: blood, sweat, and tears. [Levi]
  
• Some kids are going to excel in the group environment with presentations and discussion (and possibly struggle at home). [Levi]
• Others are going to excel in the work done at home (and possibly struggle in class).
  
• Some kids will want to do the bare minimum. [Levi]
• Others will spend 10 hours reading about the science topic (or the entire science encyclopedia) or drawing one perfect map. [Levi]
  
• Some kids are sweet, compliant, and mild-mannered.
• Others are in the wild, unpredictable, unrelenting, exasperating throes of adolescence. [Levi, heaven help us]
  
• Some kids fill their schedule with Challenge work.
• Others have several extra-curricular activities to balance. [Levi]
  
• Some kids are only-children or have older siblings and a quiet, study-conducive environment.
• Others have several younger siblings who are insanely distracting and require much of their parents’ time and energy. [Levi]
  
• Some kids are focused and internally motivated.
• Others are imaginative, wiggly, and distracted by pieces of fluff or a pencil and paper or their hair or a cloud in the sky and are neither internally nor externally motivated. [Levi]
  
• Some kids find the busy work easy and the concepts difficult.
• Others grasp the concepts quickly and find the detail work tedious. [Levi]
  
• Some kids rise to a challenge.
• Others get overwhelmed and defeated quickly. [Levi]
  
• Some kids prefer to work alone.
• Others thrive on constant interaction, discussion, and affirmation. [Levi]
  
• Some kids have consistent, self-disciplined, patient, understanding, intuitive, wise parents.
• Levi has me.

I could go on and on here, but you get the idea. For a few kids, it could be a maturity issue and one year might make a difference. For others [Levi], it is a personality thing and 5 years might not change a thing [again, hindsight NOW, please!].

What I love about the Classical Conversations program is that it is customizable and the parent has the authority to adjust the program to fit the student. Most of the seminars are easy to lighten or supplement. Just communicate with your student’s tutor!

A few ideas and examples:

:: Exposition and Composition (Literature and Writing)

Lighter work: audio books, fewer items on the ANI charts, worksheets as oral discussions, parent-typed reports, skip occasional papers.

More challenging work: literary analysis using Teaching the Classics, enter authors and historical events on a history timeline, use more elocution tools in each paper (IEW style elements), read additional books with or without writing corresponding essays.

:: Research (Science)

Lighter work: single paragraphs, no style elements required, write papers every other week, parent-typed reports.

More challenging work: longer reports (3-5 paragraphs) and style elements required, research animals specific to geographical region being studied in debate/geography, watch documentaries, dissections, watch Khan Academy videos.

:: Logic (Math)

Lighter work: lower level of math (below Saxon 8/7) or a different math program such as Teaching Textbooks or Life of Fred, modify the amount of work done for each lesson (just drill and practice or odds or evens), work through problems orally, complete lessons at a slower pace and continue through the spring and summer, skip investigations and tests and return to them after Challenge classes are finished in the spring.

More challenging work: higher level of math; complete all drill, warm-ups, lessons, practice, problems, investigations and tests on schedule (in Saxon math, this is quite an accomplishment); define all math terms and rules in notebook and memorize; watch Khan Academy videos.

:: Debate (Geography)

Lighter work: label black-line maps (possibly countries only) rather than hand-drawing maps and study using the free online games at Sheppard Software; skip capitals, geographical features, and/or geography terms.

More challenging work: define (look up in dictionary) and illustrate all geography terms in notebook, study each geographical region using the information in the atlas, read additional books about each region, prepare food from various countries, watch documentaries or travel shows, or learn about the culture, arts, and literature of a country of each continent.

:: Grammar (Latin)

Lighter work: study vocabulary, grammar rules, and declensions only (no exercises); do all work verbally or with flash cards [students repeat all Latin lessons in Challenge B].

More challenging work: complete all exercises, memorize prayers or songs in Latin, add a Latin roots vocabulary program, diagram complex English sentences.

:: Rhetoric (Clear Reasoning and Apologetics)

Lighter work: read chapters of It Couldn’t Just Happen together and discuss (no written summaries).

More challenging work: any ideas? Maybe additional reading?

:: Extracurriculars

Consider clearing your student’s schedule of busy activities during the Challenge year if they are overwhelmed. We eliminated many commitments, field trips, and errands this year so that there wouldn’t be as many distractions.

Or maybe your student will need additional activities or learning projects to round out their education and fill gaps of time. Art, history, additional foreign language, volunteer positions, family Bible time.

We’ve chosen a few priority activities:

Church

All the kids are attending AWANA this year one evening each week (in addition to church on Sunday). This is great mid-week social time for Levi in addition to the Bible studies (and much-needed date night for Russ and me).

Music

All three boys participate in a weekly choir rehearsal with music theory homework and seasonal performances.

Sports/Exercise

Levi swims with the swim team for an hour, 3-4 afternoons each week. (He often has another hour to socialize or try to complete school work while his brothers swim with a different group after his is finished, so swim team consumes 3 hours almost every afternoon—year round—as well as swim meets on occasional weekends.)

One last thought:

While Challenge students are (ideally) learning how to manage their time and take ownership of their education, this does not mean that parents should remove themselves from the process. The reward of making it to this stage should be the shared dialogue, the conversations, the big questions, the engaging content, and the interaction. Learn along with your student!

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Levi’s Challenge A class meets tomorrow and then again on Monday (due to classes that had to be postponed and rescheduled) for Blue Book assessments and a class party. After that, he’ll have a solid week’s worth of school work in addition to some catch-up work, but I’m hoping he’ll manage plenty of down-time over the break, as well. And after Christmas and his 13th birthday on New Year’s Day, we’ll gear up for second semester. I’ll let you know how that progresses!

Let’s Talk About Levi

As my boys get older, I feel the increasing need to respect their ‘personhood’ online as well as protect their privacy. For those reasons, you may see a little less of Levi in this space. I’d love to share more about him (as I did Luke), but maybe that wouldn’t be entirely appropriate. Instead, I’m going to quote (extensively) my favorite Myers-Briggs personality/parenting book, Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child's Personality Type - And Become a Better Parent. Not all kids have distinct personalities at a young age (at least not distinguishable MB types), but Levi, well, there’s never been a doubt in my mind that he is an ENFP. No doubt.

 

ENFP

Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving

“A Great Idea? I’ve Got a Million of ‘Em!”

“They need to mention each and every new impression they have or interesting thing they notice. Because they tend to think out loud, they frequently speak spontaneously or spout ideas they haven’t considered for even a second before expressing them.

“They are friendly and warm people, eager to meet new friends, and love the surprise of seeing people they weren’t expecting to see.

“They seem to be ever able to see possibilities others may not, and they aren’t easily discouraged from finding a way out of a dilemma. They need to bounce their ideas off other people and are very frustrated by people who either don’t take time to listen or stifle their enthusiasm with endless objections or criticism. They generally have vivid imaginations and love dramatic play, getting very involved in their role with accompanying costumes, props, and staging.

“ENFPs are usually sensitive, gentle, and kind. They take criticism personally and have deep affection for the people and causes they love. They have strong beliefs about the right way to treat others and often favor the underdog or befriend the social outcast. They may prefer to play with younger children or to interact with adults rather than their peers.

“When upset, they can act irrationally and have the tendency to become depressed and moody when they are overwhelmed with details or projects to finish.

“ENFPs are innately very curious, eager to understand why things are as they are. So they tend ask lots of questions and to push limits and conventions.

“Since they value the process well ahead of the product, they are easily distracted and don’t naturally have a strong sense of time. They value harmony in their relationships but place the highest importance on their own individuality, which they strive to express in everything they do.

“The key to understanding and appreciating ENFPs of any age is to remember that they are ruled by their highly developed sense of what is possible… Above all else, they think of themselves as idea people, but they are also deeply sensitive and need their feelings and values to be honored and understood.

“Because ENFPs rarely accept anything at face value and because they have such a remarkable ability to see alternatives, they naturally question most limits and rule.

“ENFPs think out loud and do not censor or edit their thoughts. They actually need to hear what they’ve said before they can apply any judgment to it.

“Because ENFPs are so energized by interacting with other people, they often become so wound up that they lose control of themselves. Their eagerness makes them attentive, engaging, and interesting children to be around, and they are often funny and entertaining as well.

“ENFPs are so good at bending rules that if there is any ambiguity in your message, they will find a way of continuing the action, but with a slight variation that wasn’t expressly prohibited. In general, the more you correct and limit, the less they pay attention.

“Life can be chaotic with an ENFP. They seem to create messes everywhere…Cleanup is almost always a battle. Mess represents activity and possibility to ENFPs, so they can live happily amid more disorder than most parents are comfortable with.

“ENFPs are strongly individualistic children. They sometimes have trouble striking a balance between their need for social acceptance and their desire to express themselves in original ways.

“ENFPs are happiest in a very casual and relaxed environment, where there are a minimum of rules and limitations. They like to keep all their options open as long as possible to be able to explore every alternative.

“Focus and concentration do not come easily to most ENFPs. It takes great effort to stay on task… The playful spirit of ENFPs is delightful and refreshing. But they also tend to lack self-discipline and often wait until the last possible moment to begin working on assignments and chores.

“They are easily embarrassed when their privacy is violated, and since they tend to perceive insensitivity as intentional meanness, they can wind up feeling emotionally abandoned when criticized. So gentle and positive are the important watchwords when guiding ENFPs.

“They may seem to get their feelings hurt “at the drop of a hat” and withdraw into their rooms to sulk or rage. Both boy and girl ENFPs tend to cry easily.

“Whereas the public ENFP is active, entertaining, clever, and playful, the private one can be worried, fearful, and morose. Accepting both sides of their personality is essential to fully understanding them. Accepting the child’s feelings as valid, no matter how odd or irrational they may seem, is critical. ENFPs often suffer self-blame and may express doubts about their worthiness or their ability to handle the tough stuff. With constant (even if it seems excessive) reassurance, self-doubting ENFPs will learn to comfort themselves…

“Because ENFPs, more so than many other types, are such individuals, they often become less conventional as they grow older. They like the whole mystique of being different…They feel a strong and unrelenting pull to figure out what makes them special, and they pursue a quest to understand themselves and the meaning of life.

“Many teen ENFPs like to cause a stir and get a reaction; they find shocking adults is fun and exciting. They usually respond best to being treated like adults, being invited into adult conversations, and having their views considered. But their natural ability to read between the lines may result in some heated discussion of necessary limits, or constant renegotiating of rules. They are almost incapable of accepting that there is no possibility of getting you to change your mind…

“Allow them to fantasize without accusing them of lying.

“When we parents can have the courage to turn our backs a bit on society’s conventions and instead stand by our ENFPs—in all their occasional quirkiness—we send a loud and clear message of unconditional love that lasts a lifetime.”

Random Thoughts on Energy

By my very nature, I am an energy conserver (to the extreme!). By their very natures, all four of my children (and my husband) are energy expenders (to the extreme!). When energy is being drained, or when anything feels out of control, my first instinct is to contract my world, smaller and smaller, until energy or control returns. My children are like corn popping on a stove. They hurtle against all boundaries. When it is my job to maintain boundaries, routines, productivity, and behavior for six people (four of whom are popping corn), the amount of energy I am required to expend is extraordinary.

When laundry, dishes, dirt, character, and popping children feel out of control at home, the last thing I want to do is expand the boundaries of the world I’m responsible for keeping under control—the behavior, the interactions, the safety, the productivity. It’s a beautiful day, but I have no desire to even step outside.

How does one let go of being a control freak in such situations, but still be productive? Still have relatively well-behaved children? Still monitor interactions with others? Still keep children safe? Still participate and serve in community?

When laid-back but effective nurturing/guiding/inspiring is not in one’s nature, it takes twice as much energy to be calm and consistent (and keep track of and follow through with all consequences). Honestly, implementing consequences is the most colossal energy-sucker of all.

And when four children are popping in opposite directions, how do I parent one without the other three running amok (other than contract their boundaries to a great degree)? I now have a serious case of ADD and can no longer do even one task effectively. I certainly can’t socialize and parent at the same time. I can’t even make dinner and parent at the same time.

Can anyone relate? Are you an energy-conserving introvert? Do you have multiple high-energy, high-volume, action-seeking, boundary-pushing children? How do you cope without squashing them into a tiny little manageable world?

Infinite Joys

 

“I desire to be a mother—if only to give food to the craving activity of my soul…Maternity is an enterprise in which I have opened an enormous stake…Motherhood will develop my energy, enlarge my heart, and compensate me for all things by infinite joys!”

~Honore de Balzac, Memoirs of Two Young Married Women—1894

Their Own Way

Sometimes it seems like parenthood is about constantly letting go. These children of ours have their own ideas, their own desires, and their own way.

It is a constant struggle for me to parent well, to do the training and teaching well, to nurture, but still let them be their own person.

My kids have started walking away the second they find their feet solidly underneath them. Now that there are four of them, every moment I feel as if I am either herding grasshoppers or racing snails. Sometimes both at the same time. I struggle to maintain order without being a control freak. If I give them an inch, they take a mile. And then we’re back to no freedoms.

I know that this parenting gig has incredible rewards. It wouldn’t be rewarding if it wasn’t so dang hard, I suppose. But sometimes, okay, most of the time, I sure wish there were a magic parenting pill. ‘Cause I could use one about now.

Raising Extroverted Boys

I lamented in this post about being an introverted mom of three extroverted boys. I grew up in a quiet, introverted family of three girls (my younger sister is an extrovert, but she is certainly outnumbered!). Life is WILDLY different in a house full of (ALL!) extroverted boys. I came across a couple articles this week that had me nodding my head vigorously. (I fully understand that personalities vary, but these echo my personal experience.)

Why Boys Are Failing in an Educational System Stacked Against Them by Lori Day @ HuffingtonPost.com:

As the mother of a female only child, my parenting experience, while not always idyllic, has been relatively peaceful. As a toddler, my daughter was sedentary and cautious, and seemed to have nowhere she needed to go. She would sit in one spot on the floor for hours with a pile of books, "reading" to herself. I could shoot from room to room, accomplishing tasks, and she would smile up at me from her place on the living room rug as if wondering, what's the hurry?

She was much like I was as a child, and nothing like the brothers I had grown up with who requisitioned large expanses of the floor plan of our house for their games, commandeering space like an army of two. The entire finished basement was needed for indoor hockey (and windows were expendable). Outdoors, acres of woods were barely enough for their imaginary villages and the conquering of foreign lands. Unwitting trees were the patient recipients of nails and ropes and bungee cords, bending uncomplainingly to the weight of whatever animate or inanimate objects were tied, strapped or hung from them.

And then:

Our modern educational system works for many children, particularly girls, but for some boys (and girls) it places constraints on a very normal and necessary experiential type of learning, not to mention the need of many children to move around rather than sit still. While it may be a cynical statement, I have often felt that co-ed schools are girls' schools that boys go to.

Shyness: Evolutionary Tactic? by Susan Cain at NYT.com gives words to some of my frustration, not only with being an introvert myself, but also with my young boys who don’t seem to have some of those nice ‘pro-social’ behaviors that came with the shy nature of my own childhood.

Sitters’ temperaments also confer more subtle advantages. Anxiety, it seems, can serve an important social purpose; for example, it plays a key role in the development of some children’s consciences. When caregivers rebuke them for acting up, they become anxious, and since anxiety is unpleasant, they tend to develop pro-social behaviors. Shy children are often easier to socialize and more conscientious, according to the developmental psychologist Grazyna Kochanska. By 6 they’re less likely than their peers to cheat or break rules, even when they think they can’t be caught, according to one study. By 7 they’re more likely to be described by their parents as having high levels of moral traits such as empathy.

Random Real Life: The Children

Boy #1: This kid is wildly intense and emotional. Everything is directed outward. There is no black and white. There are no absolutes (except that he is absolutely ‘the most abused child on the planet’). If Myers-Briggs types mean anything to you, he is an ENFP. He is extremely social, but doesn’t get social conventions. He comes at things sideways (and intensely). He is extremely imaginative and non-sequential. He is adverse to anything that resembles work. Everything is negotiable, and every rule has an exception. He never stops talking (and arguing), and he doesn’t process things until after he says them. His impulsiveness is stronger than most consequences. There is a reason I call him Mr. Effervescent. Nothing concrete about this kid.

Boy #2: This kid is also wildly intense and emotional. Everything is directed outward. In many other ways he is his older brother’s complete opposite, however. Everything is black and white. Everything is measured in the context of (his idea of) fairness or his preconceived expectations. Woe to the person who messes with the way he thinks things should be. He is very stubborn, impulsive, and physical. His Myers-Briggs type is ESFJ. He is curious and must try everything for himself. He is a dare-devil.

Boy #3: This kid is extroverted and very interactive. Luckily he isn’t as emotional as his brothers. But he is stubborn, physical, and doesn’t have the imagination to play on his own. He also doesn’t have any volume control. He is so. loud. There is a reason I call him Mr. Exuberant/Emphatic. His happy is loud. His sad is loud. His sweet is loud. His excited is loud. His funny is loud. His mad is loud. He is also gets weirdly shy, stubborn, and/or embarrassed when he is faced with something new or that he isn’t sure about. He needs things to be predictable and consistent. His Myers-Briggs type is ESTJ.

Baby Girl: Lola is my doll-baby. I am so thankful for her and the joy she has brought to our lives. While she may not be the easiest baby ever, she has been my easiest baby. But there is no denying the fact that a baby takes a huge amount of time and energy. Her needs are often the priority. Going anywhere is logistically so much more challenging with naps, diapers, feeding, and my arms full.

Then I am…. The emotional introvert with a very low energy level. I need a huge amount of personal space, time to space off in my own little imaginary world, lots of sleep, down time, and silence (I don’t even listen to music). Yet in order to parent well, I have to be ON, engaged without fail 20 hours a day. Focused, consistent, efficient, and able to multi-task, compartmentalize, and delegate. I need to be 5 places at once. I need to be perpetually encouraging, inspiring, loving, strong. I need to fake be cheerful. But I’m not. I get weary and frustrated. My patience is non-existent. I find myself tearing down rather that building them up. Again, and again, and again. I let things slide and the snowballs become an avalanche.

Can I be the mom they need me to be?!

This is a perfect time to share a link to this article: A father's day wish: Dads, wake the hell up! @ CNN.com. Because I am BLESSED to have THAT dad for my children. Thank you, Russ, for constantly making it all about us. Here is a taste of the article:

5. Do things you don't want to do: It's easy to take the kids to the driving range -- because you want to be there. Now try spending the day having a tea party at American Girl. Or crawling through one of those wormholes at the nearby kiddie gym. Fun? Often, no. But this isn't about you.

(Are you sick of Lola love, yet?)

Saturday Seven ~ Week 32

1:: In case anyone wonders how long until baby-doll arrives... the week of the Saturday Seven matches up with my pregnancy. So, I hit week 32 on Tuesday. Less than 8 weeks to go (more like 6 would be nice.) I feel 10 months pregnant, but I'm in no way ready for a newborn around here. Sooooooo many things left to do on the project list. At least I got a few things done this week!!

2:: Made it to the last concert of the Monday evening series in the park. Sadly, only the second one we made it to this season! It was a lovely evening, though, as we snacked on Blackberry Gingerbread and enjoyed the local concert band (perfect addition to our instruments study, not that the boys were paying attention....).

3:: My best friend, Char, took my boys to the water park/pool for the afternoon so I could have some quiet time. The boys had an incredible time. My friend is a saint.

4:: Had to-die-for corn on the cob from the local farmer's stand. {SWOON!} Then breads and cheese from the Saturday farmers' market. I really love to eat. Have I mentioned that?

5:: Triple digit temps this weekend. I shouldn't complain, since we've had such a mild summer, but GOLLY!! I'm more of a 73 degrees sort of person, not 103.

6:: I'm such a slacker. We've done almost nothing in the way of school lessons, despite my best intentions (not much of a surprise). And I didn't read ONE book last month {GASP!!} (though I skimmed and reviewed a couple). This month doesn't look much better. At least Mockingjay will be delivered on August 24th, so I'll be sure to have read one book.

7:: And in case anyone would like to actually THINK: From Why Are Parents So Unhappy? And Who Would Settle for Happiness, Anyway? at AlbertMohler.com in response to All Joy and No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting from New York Magazine:

Christians must see children as gifts from God, not as projects. We should see marriage and parenthood as a stewardship and privilege, not as a mere lifestyle choice. We must resist the cultural seductions and raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and understand family life as a crucible for holiness, not an experiment in happiness.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."

~Frederick Douglass

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like These

SuperMomto3 asks: When you have to be creative with their learning, how do you keep up the energy to do so? You are asking a lot of yourself by homeschooling (mom, teacher, cook, cleaner, artist, etc)...how do you keep going when they just absolutely beat you down (and you KNOW you have had days like that toO!) :)

Heidi answers: What?! Me, have a bad day?! Nah. I am imperviously cheerful and energetic. I get hours of quiet time, but it wouldn't matter if I didn't, because I don't need any. A disastrous house (which mine never is, of course) just fuels my tank. Oh, and my boys are angels: quiet, respectful, obedient, tidy, always ready to learn. They never use words like 'poo-poo butt.' They never have dramatic, wailing meltdowns at the mere hint of the words 'piano practice.' When we are at the store, they walk calmly beside the cart with their hands behind their backs. They never escape down the driveway in the dead of winter with nothing but a saggy diaper and rubber boots. They never, ever complain about what is served for dinner.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha!! Did I fool anyone? REALITY CHECK: Many days, I have nothing left by bedtime. Sometimes I have nothing left by mid-morning. Make no mistake, raising kids is hard, hard work. Rewarding, amazing, wonderful, and hard, hard work.

Things I've Learned (in my short mothering career):

I set the tone of our day.

87% of the time life falls apart around me, it started with my own actions or attitude, not my boys'. I get distracted. I'm playing on the computer instead of following the routine. I'm talking on the phone. I don't pay attention to the boys' needs. I don't respond appropriately to misbehavior. I don't follow through with discipline or consequences. I stay up too late and am cranky the next morning. I run errands at lunch time. I don't spend adequate time training my boys in the behavior or tasks that I desire from them...

If I recognize my own shortcomings, I deal with chaos differently. I'm less likely to blow up at the children (children!) who are falling apart, when I, as an adult, can't even do what I'm supposed to do!

It stands to reason, then, that by following the routine, being present, and paying attention to our environment, I can set our days up for success. Am I great at this? No. Am I working on it? Yes.

It behooves a father [or mother] to be blameless if he expects his [or her] child to be.
~Homer

My mom tells me that my dad's mother gave this parenting advice:

If a child is misbehaving, there are three possible reasons: He is tired, he is hungry, or he has to go to the bathroom.

I have to tell you that I've found great truth in this advice over and over again. The other day, Leif had a complete meltdown at my mom's house when we sat down to lunch. I thought it over and realized that he was likely very hungry and tired. I dealt with him very softly and coaxed him to eat. Once he calmed down, he devoured a bowl of soup and declared it (through teary eyes) to be 'licious.' Directly after lunch he had some quiet time in the playroom. And filled his diaper. The poor kid was hungry, tired, and had to go to the bathroom.

I need to pay more attention to the boys' eating habits, making sure they get healthy snacks throughout the day. At least one of my sons needs some regularly scheduled time in the bathroom. I also need to get the boys to bed at a decent hour and have a back-up plan for quiet time when stamina is low (theirs or mine).

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and... mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.
~Billy Cosby

I need to have various coping strategies up my sleeve when all else fails.

1. Get back on track with renewed focus. Sometimes I have to slap myself and pull myself up by my bootstraps. Be confident. Be kind, calm, and firm. Take the bull by the horns. You know what I'm talking about. Wipe the slate clean and turn the day around with sheer will-power.

2. Make a drastic change in the environment. If we're inside, go out. If we're outside, go in. If we're out and about, go home. And my personal favorite, if we're home, go out for a drive. If everyone is going in opposite directions, snuggle on the couch with a good picture book. If we're getting on each other's nerves, put everyone in separate rooms to play (including me). If we've been battling over lessons, put on loud music and dance. If the house is about to cave in from the noise and activity level, send everyone to their bed with a book. If it's cold in the house, crank up the heat....

3. Hand the children over to their father. This isn't always an option, obviously, but I am beyond thankful that Russ has an office separate from the house where each boy has his own computer station. Sometimes Russ will take one look at me and immediately take the boys out of my hair for a while. Even 30 minutes makes a huge difference. Sometimes I go crazy and pickup the mess, clean house, or cook dinner. Sometimes I stare like a zombie at the computer screen.

4. Similar to #3, send the two-year-old to grandma's house. I really, really like this strategy. Again, not always an option, but greatly appreciated on occasion.

5. Drink copious amounts of Dr. Pepper. This one works well in conjunction with any other coping strategy.

6. Directly in opposition to #5, make sure I'm taking good care of myself by eating right and getting enough sleep. (Hence the pot of tea every afternoon to replace the Dr. Pepper habit.)

7. Have a personal mantra. It depends on your personality. For many people, this could be a Bible verse which they can repeat to themselves. Lately, I've had the chorus 'I get knocked down, but I get up again, You're never going to keep me down...' running through my head. I find that being silly helps me recover more quickly.

8. Find something to be thankful for. It can be a little thing, like appreciating the fact that we don't have a carpeted dining room after one of the boys spills a bowl of spaghetti. It can be the absence of something, like being thankful that we aren't all in bed with the stomach flu. It can be a big picture something, like reminding myself that I am living my dream life and there isn't any place I'd rather be.

9. Laugh. It's better than hiding in the bathroom crying.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
~Erma Bombeck

This is when I think my readers could help out with combined wisdom. Tell me (please!):

How do YOU keep going when the going gets tough?

Narrations, Testing, and Budgeting, Oh My!

Carole asks: Do you do narration with any of your reading, and if so, how did you get started and do you have any suggestions for helping reluctant narrators?

Heidi answers: When I listened to Susan Wise Bauer speak last year, she gave some great suggestions. She said that for early grammar students, ask one of these questions: 'Tell me the most interesting/exciting thing you just read/heard,' or 'Tell me two things about _____.' Restate their answer in complete sentences and have them repeat it. I can't tell you how much better I felt after hearing her say that!

So far, we are only working on simple narrations for our history reading. We'll work up to more this next year.

~Do you have a strategy/approach to "playing" with your boys? I find that after getting through a morning full of "school," I have no time (or energy!) left to actually play with the boys. Besides the many demands of laundry, food preparation, etc. Any thoughts?

Heidi answers: I make an attempt to be playful in life and in the way I interact with my boys. We snuggle, wrestle, giggle, dance, make funny faces, read silly stories, go on little driving adventures, and sing like crazy people. I really hope to begin a family game night very soon. We go to the pool together. We make cookies together. The boys do projects with Dad and ride on the lawn mower with him. But I rarely PLAY with the boys, assuming you mean building something with Legos or moving trains around a wooden track. I feel like the boys need quite a bit of time without me, especially after spending time in lessons together. Providing them with independent playtime is actually high on my priority list, particularly considering the fact that I have three boys close in age, and they get along well together.

Kelsey asks: Do you test your boys at home? Or are you able to understand how well they are doing based upon what they do in day to day school?

Heidi answers: I do feel as if I have a good idea of where the boys are in each subject, as well as what information they have mastered, but they are still very young. Many curricula include tests, which I may employ at some time. I am also one of those parents who doesn't mind having my children take standardized testing. I am well aware that the standardized tests often don't accurately assess what a child knows and wouldn't teach to the test, but I still think they are a valuable experience for children and will find the results interesting.

~ Do you have a monthly budget set aside for homeschooling purchases (supplies, project related, books) or do you have it all ready to go when you start the school year?

Heidi answers: Budget?! What's that? Bwa-ha-ha!!! Oh, seriously? Nope. Just purchase as I go along. My hubby has been a very good sport, so far. I suppose I should make up some sort of budget, though. He would probably appreciate it. (I'm not organized enough to have everything I'll need at the start of a year. I'd certainly purchase many things on a monthly basis.)

Mab asks: Do you belong to a homeschooling [support] group? Why or why not?
and... Ever feel like teaching a class about homeschooling- I am not terribly far from you.

Heidi answers: Nope. I'm an introverted control freak. (Grin). I do like to get out (and socialize on occasion), but I like to do it on my own schedule. It helps that I have a built-in support group surrounding me. My parents and younger sister are very supportive and helpful. My older sister homeschools. My best friend homeschools. Most of my friends homeschool. Most of my blog friends homeschool, a few extended family members homeschool (or have in the past).... If anything, I need to expand my world and socialize with non-homeschoolers!

A class?! Maybe I should wait until I'm a seasoned homeschooler for that one. (Grinning, again.) I was thinking, though, that it would be really fun to have an open house for blog friends that live close by. It would be nice to meet some of you in person!

Ruth asks: We are considering homeschooling our kids aged 8, 6, 4 and 9 mos. Was it a hard adjustment socially when you went from a traditional school situation to homeschooling? My oldest is an extrovert and that has been my greatest concern about homeschooling, it's really the reason why we haven't yet.

Heidi answers: We have been homeschooling from the beginning, so no transition was necessary. I completely understand your concerns about homeschooling an extrovert, though, because I happen to have three of them. My oldest, in particular, adores people. He doesn't know a stranger.

The problem with putting him in a traditional school setting is that I don't necessarily think that is the best place for him to socialize. In fact, I think it would be detrimental to his education. I know that he would have trouble focusing on his more difficult subjects (math) and staying with the class (without talking or squirming) in the subjects in which he excels (reading). I find it best that we can concentrate on the studies at his level during lesson time (fewer than traditional school hours with no homework) and have more (appropriate) time for social activities.

I would encourage you to look into other activities (church, 4-H, art or music classes, homeschool play groups, martial arts lessons, etc.) to provide the social outlet that some kids need.

A Big Year For Levi

As I was sitting here trying to grasp the fact that Levi is soon turning the age of six, I realized what a big year this has been for him. He has acquired three monumental life skills: reading, swimming (or at least keeping his head above deep water for extended periods of time), and riding a bike. Along with basic social skills (an ongoing maturing process, helped by the fact that he is extremely outgoing) and love of learning (which he naturally possesses), I would put these three life skills close to the top of the list.

There is no question that the whole world opens up for someone when they are able to read. Learn something new, participate as a citizen, follow directions, fill out a job application (maybe not at the age of five, but...), and go on any number of adventures in your imagination!

Russ and I both agree that being able to swim is an indispensable life skill. Apart from being a survival skill and fun recreational activity, swimming is a terrific exercise for bodies of all sizes, ages, and physical abilities. It is a skill that can be used, and an activity that can be enjoyed, for an entire lifetime.

I hadn't thought much about riding a bike as a life skill until my sister mentioned it. She reminded me that being able to ride a bike ensures very inexpensive transportation. This will seem like an obvious statement to many people, but we grew up in the country and never rode our bikes on the busy highway into town.

No gas (whether there will be a shortage or it will become outrageously expensive...), no insurance, low maintenance, and exercise thrown in! Down on your luck, car breaks down, just getting started in the world... if you are able to ride a bike, transportation to a job is one step closer. In areas like ours, public transportation isn't readily available. It never hurts to give yourself an option you have more control over.



So, while 'book learning' is very important to us as a family, the life skills we help our children develop along the way are part of the big picture that I need to keep in sight. Many of these skills will come naturally, but occasionally parenting feels like an overwhelming responsibility. I wonder if we will fail our kids somehow. What are we missing? What can we improve upon? What will we look back on and wish we had done differently? What is the big picture we are striving toward? What are the individual and unique needs of each child? Of our family?


The book I've found very helpful on the subject of life skills (you knew there would be one, didn't you?) is Life Skills for Kids: Equipping Your Child for the Real World by Christine M. Field. From a Christian perspective, this book covers time management, people skills, money, self-care, decision making, and even the art of celebrating life. There is so much more to this book. I'd recommend it for any parent, homeschooling or not.

Brilliant!

If you are a mom or have a mom (grin), you must watch this. I seriously do not know when I have laughed so hard! Anita Renfroe is just brilliant.

Tender Loving Care

In my internet wanderings, I recently came across this post from the archives at Thoughts of Home. I have always been fascinated by personality and learning styles, so I was anxious to follow her link to the Parenting article What Style of Mom are You to find out how accurately I would be pegged. Choke, sputter... they know me. (Disclaimer: the article was kind enough to avoid any mention of the weaknesses each personality type was likely to possess.)

The tender-loving-care mother (ISFJ)
Gentle and kind, the ISFJ mom provides her kids with lots of affection and the comfort of daily routine. She is sensitive to their feelings, offering closeness and support. The ISFJ has a strong sense of duty and consistently puts her kids' needs first. She delights in taking care of the little things that matter to a child, making each one feel special. Aiming for a smooth-running, attractive home, she tends to the practical and domestic. She believes strongly in family traditions.
Stay-sane tip: Try to cultivate your own interests, and put your needs first every so often. Your baby may appreciate your unwavering attention, but in a few years, she'll need more independence.

Nurture by Nature: How to Raise Happy, Healthy, Responsible Children Through the Insights of Personality Type was my first exposure to the Myers-Briggs personality styles. Divided into sixteen distinctly different types, the Myers-Briggs seems like a window into a person's mind and spirit. Knowing why my son acts the way he does and why my husband and I seem to see things from completely different points of view has been extremely helpful in my family's relationships.

The article above links a very simple personality style 'test,' but if you're interested in answering a few more questions check out this free online test. Another great personality style website based on the Myers-Briggs is The Personality Page which has great descriptions of the sixteen personality types.

MotherStyles: Using Personality Types to Learn to Parent From Your Strengths sounds like an interesting book that I may need to add to my shelves. I would also recommend Personality Plus for Parents by Florence Littauer, The Way They Learn and Every Child Can Succeed by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias, and Dreamers, Discoverers, & Dynamos (if you happen to have one of those) by Lucy Jo Palladino, Ph.D.

Rather than using our personality types as excuses, it is important to use the information to be aware--highlighting our strengths and continually striving to improve upon our weaknesses.

If you happen to take the personality test, or already know your Myers-Briggs type, I'd love for you to leave a comment. What style of mom are you, and did they get it right?

Let It Go

It's a truth I just can't get through my head sometimes: Everything doesn't depend on me--and everything doesn't have to happen just the way I planned it. I could save myself a lot of frustration and anger if I could just get a better sense of what I really can control. Julie Ann Barnhill in She's Gonna Blow

This is exactly my struggle. I plan the day around the baby's nap schedule. Baby wakes up too early, takes a morning nap sooner than expected, and sleeps less than usual. Suddenly the whole day is off kilter. It's like setting up the dominoes. One goes down and the rest follow. Julie shares a motto for mothers like me: Let it go. I now have that motto posted on my bulletin board. Let it go. Breathe in. Exhale. The world will go on turning. Struggling with something you can't control? Let it go.

He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17